Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

The Nightmare

November 26, 2014
(I received this in an email... once I stopped laughing I decided I needed to post it in my blog.)
In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I’m circumcised!Quickly I sat up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver’s license photo and it was that same color. Black.

I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair.

But it’s a wheelchair!!

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I’m also disabled!!!

I said to myself, aloud ‘This is impossible. It’s impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled.’

‘It’s the pure and holy truth’, whispers someone from behind me.

I turn around, and it’s my boyfriend.

Just what I needed!!!

I am a homosexual, and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.

Oh, my God….. black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and Oh, noooooo…I’m bald!!!

The telephone rings.

It’s my brother.

He is saying, ‘Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap… Any job.’

Mom?… Dad?… Nooooooooo… Now I’m also an unemployed orphan!

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict,
HIV positive, bald, and an orphan.

But he doesn’t get it.

Frustrated, I hang up.

It’s then I realize I only have one hand!!!

With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out.

I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker…. Pacemaker?

Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, ‘Sweetie pie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for in the Primary? Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama???

Say it isn’t so!!! I can handle being a black, disabled, one armed, drug addicted, Jewish queer on a pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend,
but please, oh dear God, please don’t tell me I’m a Democrat

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Sports Teams Need Political Correctness

May 16, 2014

redskinsSo the Washington Redskins owner has stated he will not change his teams name or logo. How can someone who obviously is a man of means, continue to insult an entire race or class of human beings? Daniel Snyder who is 49 years old and a Billionaire has been criticized in the media for his insensitive attitude by refusing to consider renaming the team. His answer is to create a foundation to benefit Native Americans. This move clearly indicates that Mr. Snyder is acknowledging that there is some validity to the media claims that this name is hurtful to Native Americans. I think calling them Indians is hurtful. After all, they were called this in error after Christopher Columbus, who was directionally challenged, mistook the now West Indies for the East Indies and assumed the indigenous people were Indians. But the entire sports community is riddled with insensitive references and really needs to be educated on political correctness. If you look around you find the Atlanta Braves, Kansas City Chiefs, Cleveland Indians and my beloved Chicago Blackhawks (even though there is no tribe called Blackhawks the logo is an Indian).

If skin color is the issue then what about the Cleveland Browns? That has to have Cleveland residents, many of whom are people of color, in a state of hysteria. Staying with that theme what about the Carolina NFL franchise since Panthers don’t generally inhabit the Carolinas. This has to be a reference to the “Black Panthers” of the racially charged era of the 1960’s. This has to go, as I’m sure white folks are offended or should be.

I was raised as a Catholic and I am offended by the use of “religious” references such as the Saints, Angels or Padres. I’ll bet some people never even made the connection between the Cardinals and the Catholic church, but I did. I’m sure that those Patriotic folks who live south of the Mason-Dixon line are offended by the New York Yankees. People plagued by obesity are offended by the Giants not just the baseball team but football as well. Double effort to insult those double sized Americans. This counters the message of the FLOTUS.

What message is being sent to our youth by the Raiders, Vikings, Buccaneers and the Chargers. Are we promoting violence in the form of rape and pillage, forcibly taking from others?  I remember when I was sent off to the local Catholic High School in Riverhead, NY. They asked the students to come up with a name for our sports teams and an election was held. The winner was “Marauders” but the Sisters of Mercy would not let that stand and the Monarchs became the name of our teams. The nuns considered it the name of a popular butterfly and totally ignored the reference for the term as another name for a king. What about the Cincinnati Reds (barbiturates) and the Milwaukee Brewers who are also sending the wrong message to our youth? I guess the era of “just say no” is over and was an epic failure.

So when it comes to political correctness our sports teams are clearly out of step. The owners need to be sent off to the government run re-education centers to get their minds straight so that they can show some empathy and compassion for the many minority and special interest groups in this country. If you think about it all of us belong to at least one special group and many of us are likely to be in several groups. We need to hold the owners feet to the fire to get them to rename the teams something much more palatable such as the Oakland Oak Trees, or the Cleveland Cuyahogas. The Chicago Blackhawks could be the Chicago Icers!

Knife Control Legislation Feared

April 10, 2014

Fear has swept the natioknifen driving the prices of knives to new heights. Supplies are beginning to dwindle based on fears that Eric Holder and the DOJ will call for a ban on knives following the senseless stabbings that took place at a High School in rural Pennsylvania. News reports claim that at least 20 teenagers and one adult were injured, two of them critically, Wednesday morning at Franklin Regional High School in Murrysville, Pa., when a 16-year-old fellow student attacked them with two knives. Following these reports it was discovered that the knives were purchased legally by the perpetrator’s mother at a local Ace hardware.

The National Association of Knifes (NAK) has called for calm to no avail. The run on knives has extended to online sales. Amazon spokesperson (on condition of anonymity) claims the company has a limited supply of knives saying, “we have a few butter knives left and we have no idea when supplies will be replenished”. Knife manufacturers are stepping up production to try to meet the increased demand. American Knife Manufacturers Association PR director was quoted at a news conference as saying they believe the Obama Administration will be calling upon congress to enact legislation banning the sale of knives to anyone under the age of 30. The legislation is expected to include mandating that knife owners attend a 20 hour course on knife safety and that all knives be secured in locked boxes or safes. This legislation is expected to affect nearly every industry in the United States. Banned knives will include the already banned switch blade knives as well as X-acto knives, sheet rock knives, box cutters, Ginsu knives, straight razors all sharp kitchen knives such as steak knives and including the popular Santoku style knife. Basically the only knifes not banned is the common butter knife but only if it has the old fashion rounded tip.

News reports claim that no one was killed in the slashing spree in PA but that several kids were in critical but stable condition. Stay tuned for more on both the knife ban proposals and the victims of the teen slasher.